Carry on bouncing

So today I started bouncing again. People are insanely stupid, what makes you think that if you fight with a bouncer we'll let you stay in the bar? Bad news folks, when I've decided you need to leave that's the end of the debate.

In Other News

I'm trying to figure out what's going on with A. and I right now. Not in regards to our relationship, we're most definitely broken up, there's no question of that. Rather I'm trying to figure out in regards to our interactions. I know it's only been a week so we're still both pretty confused and I think that's what's throwing me off.

I sent her an e-mail (along with other folks) telling them about this blog and she responded that she's looking forward to reading it. She also told me she was sorry if she seemed harsh when last we spoke but she needed to clarify that we're broken up in no uncertain terms. She also mentioned she still cares about me.

Fair enough, that was where I thought we stood too.

Five minutes later she sends me an e-mail saying she's sorry she contacted me and won't do it again.

I think I understand where she's coming from. I was there earlier in the week, sometimes all I want to do is talk to her, other times I don't want anything to do with her. At the same time I'm trying to promise myself that I won't contact her but that's totally unreasonable and I know isn't going to work.

Why won't it work?

If for no other reason than I know my own healing will go better if I know that she's healing too. I can't imagine that the same isn't true for her so at least occasionally she's going to get e-mails, phone calls from me asking how she's doing. Why? Because no matter what else happens I'll always care about her and it's important for me to know that people I care about are doing okay in their lives. I hope she understands that those contacts should be taken at face value. They're not me trying to hold on to a relationship that's done, they're not me trying to start another one with her. They're simply me caring about a friend I've had for more than three years who lately became very special to me.

I also hope she understands that I'll take any contacts like that from her at face value. If she calls to ask how I'm doing I'll assume nothing more than I've already stated above, I won't assume it means anything more than that she's curious about a friend.

I also hope she understands that as my friend I might still forward on some stuff that I think is appropriate for her. Today I sent her a feel-good story that ended up in my inbox, not to try and drag out a finished relationship but because I know that she, of all people, could use a feel-good story in her life right now, and this one was a doozy.

Anyway, if you read this A. I hope you understand what it all means. Just take the world, and me, and yourself at face value and it'll all work itself out in time.