Keeping Up Appearances

If anyone got the Carry On reference then this one will be even easier. . .

So last night I told my parents that I was looking for a place and planning on moving out when I could find one. My mother asked why and I told her that she's happier not knowing, she insisted but then declined when I actually went to answer her question. Glad to see that denial is still working for her, keeping her safe from things like reality and truth.

I did however tell my mother that she's no longer allowed to tell me she's sorry. Never in my life have I met a person for whom the words "I'm sorry" have less meaning. She throws them out with about the same frequency that you and I breath. It's really quite remarkable and it's gotten to the point that I don't even know if she does it conciously any more or if it's become an autonomic reflex. Regardless it's resulted in me being so desensititzed to it that I not longer even hear the words from most people and coming from my mother they're more like a slap in the face. The reaosn for that is they allow her to completely abdicate all responsibility for her actions, she can pretend as though it's not her fault and because she's apologised the world is okay. . . which of course is bullshit. If you're going to do something take responsibility for it, if it was a mistake it's fine to apologise but at least make an effort to rectify it.

It does however look like I'm going to be forced to continue keeping up appearances for a little while as I've been looking for a place but it's going to take another month or so before I can really afford one. I looked at a few rooms but they weren't good so I'm going to look more for an appartment. While I'm loathed to trap myself into bouncing via getting a place that's too pricey I also know that if I can find one withing cycling distance from work I'll easily save $150/month on gas costs as I love commuting on my bike whenever possible.

So for now I'm going to keep on keeping on and hope for the best.

The energy healer and I are still playing phone tag but we may have an appointment tomorrow, I'll keep you updated.