Well, here's my ADD post for this month, that means of course that you could have another one as soon as tomorrow. As you may have guessed this post is going to hop around a little. . . hang on!
I'm okay
I've been carrying a lot of stuff around with my lately in a mental or spiritual sense and it's been weighing on me. While driving home from the gym today I saw a licence plate that said "UL B OK" on a truck in front of me. Wow! The Universe sure decided to make sure I didn't miss that message didn't it? I'm glad to get it as it came at a very opportune time as the last week has been pretty rough on me for a variety of reasons. Thanks Universe, and of course all of you out there who are contributing your consciousness to it!
Best Ad Ever
I saw the single best advertisement of all time today on the Internet, it's sad and it's got an "Engrish" translation so it's a little rough. It's also one of the most touching things I've ever seen and again, comes at a very opportune time. It reminded me what's important in life is what you love, and for what you love you'll do anything. It also reminded me that nothing done out of love, with faith in the Universe will backfire on you in the long run. You just need love and faith.
Here it is:
Saddest Commercial Ever
*Edit* Originally I embedded this but I really dislike the way that site embeds, it forces it to play and forces the sizing so there's a link instead.
Training
I managed to get off my butt and make it to the gym again today. I'm back! Now I just have to keep at it but I'm sure I will. I actually was prompted because last night I had an arm wrestle with someone I should easily beat. . . and we tied it up after a few minutes so I'm getting my butt back in action! Sometimes all we need is that kick! I'm also eating right again. 250lbs here I come but it's going to be a much leaner 250lbs than I was last time!
Motorcycle
Well, she's almost ready for touring! Still missing a few parts but except for the seat they're not the important ones so I'm happy! If the weather is nice enough I'm going to Calgary this weekend!
That's it for now folks.
Till next we meet. . .
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Walking the Walk
I went to see a performance last night at the Arden Theater in St.Albert. It was a production by Decidedly Jazz Danceworks that featured Jackie Richardson singing and the DJD folks performing.
All in all I would call the performance nothing less than amazing. Those who know me know how hard it is to get a standing ovation out of me as I feel that a standing ovation should really only occur when a performer comes out and "turns it up to 11" so to speak, well last night it happened.
I'm not going to review the performance as I'm certain there are other people who will do so and if you're interested you'll be able to read about it there but I will say that if you have the opportunity you really need to get out and see this show. It was about love, and loss, and everything that goes along with those two and it was inspired.
On the topic of walking the walk, you all know that in recent months I've been working to make myself into a better person. Perhaps that's not right, I've been working to allow myself to be the person that I know I'm capable of being, the person I want to be. Part of that has been working on choosing better behaviours for myself in certain situations and last night was one of them.
Again I'm not going into details but I will say that I found myself falling into some older and less-desirable behaviours last night. Certainly not the end of the world but I was disappointed in myself at first, then I calmed down and let the universe speak to me. . . in this case via the show. I remembered the decisions I have made and I remembered how it is that I want to react in situations like that so I went back and corrected my behaviour.
I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be but last night I took a big step in the right direction. I was tested and while it looked like I was going to falter I managed to turn and step in the right direction, I stayed on beat and on track and pulled myself through.
This of course thrills me because while I didn't do it as quickly last night as I would have liked I'm well aware that every time it gets a little quicker and a little easier and every time I'll have less trouble with it.
I love you.
I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you.
Please forgive me for that part of me that has supported those things and these feelings within you.
Thank you.
Till next we meet. . .
All in all I would call the performance nothing less than amazing. Those who know me know how hard it is to get a standing ovation out of me as I feel that a standing ovation should really only occur when a performer comes out and "turns it up to 11" so to speak, well last night it happened.
I'm not going to review the performance as I'm certain there are other people who will do so and if you're interested you'll be able to read about it there but I will say that if you have the opportunity you really need to get out and see this show. It was about love, and loss, and everything that goes along with those two and it was inspired.
On the topic of walking the walk, you all know that in recent months I've been working to make myself into a better person. Perhaps that's not right, I've been working to allow myself to be the person that I know I'm capable of being, the person I want to be. Part of that has been working on choosing better behaviours for myself in certain situations and last night was one of them.
Again I'm not going into details but I will say that I found myself falling into some older and less-desirable behaviours last night. Certainly not the end of the world but I was disappointed in myself at first, then I calmed down and let the universe speak to me. . . in this case via the show. I remembered the decisions I have made and I remembered how it is that I want to react in situations like that so I went back and corrected my behaviour.
I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be but last night I took a big step in the right direction. I was tested and while it looked like I was going to falter I managed to turn and step in the right direction, I stayed on beat and on track and pulled myself through.
This of course thrills me because while I didn't do it as quickly last night as I would have liked I'm well aware that every time it gets a little quicker and a little easier and every time I'll have less trouble with it.
I love you.
I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you.
Please forgive me for that part of me that has supported those things and these feelings within you.
Thank you.
Till next we meet. . .
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Time Enough for Love
I've had this post running around in my head since Thursday and I've been trying to find time to get it up here, it appears I've finally found the time.
Back on Thursday I had a couple of things happen in my life that made a fairly significant impact on me.
The first is that my mother found out that the clock that's been on pause for the last two years has started ticking again. Apparently her large tumour is growing again and has started shifting around in her abdomen putting pressure on some of her internal organs and causing her a fair bit of pain. Of course with it putting pressure on her internal organs we can expect that she's going to start having some other problems related to that, we don't know exactly what yet and I have to say that I'm not really looking forward to finding out.
Obviously this was a hard thing for me to hear and while it's not unexpected I'm still not sure it's something you can ever fully prepare yourself for. We're still hopeful of course and she's still planning on being at my brother's wedding this summer at the end of July, we do however have to prepare for the event that she doesn't make it. It's going to be a hard couple of months coming up but the things I've gone through over the last couple of months have left we with some tools that will help me through it.
The other thing that occurred was my mother began going through a big bag of photos that my Grandmother had left behind when she passed. My mother was sorting them into groups so that she can pass them along to the appropriate people in the family.
As we were looking through the pictures we found pictures that ranged from 64 years ago when my father was a baby up until about two years ago when my Grandma passed away. There's a tremendous amount of history there and so many of the photos showed my mother when she was young, and healthy, and vibrant. These photos provided some rather memorable documentation of my mother's time in this country as she hadn't been here too long before she met my father.
As we went through the photos she told me who the people were when I couldn't figure it out for myself and told me stories around most of them. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes there were tears in her eyes and I think every emotion in between.
This made me realize that to her those photos weren't taken years ago in some distant history, rather they were taken a heartbeat ago. To her it was yesterday, she remembers quite clearly those people, and times and places, and sometime between this heartbeat and the previous one all those years have passed.
When I realized this I also realized that it's happening to me, that my heart is beating and that one day I'm going to wake up and realize that I'm on my deathbed, that things are soon to end and I'm going to wonder what happened to the intervening years.
Listening to her talk about the pictures also reminded me that those intervening years won't be measured as such. While I'll tell people how many years it's been I myself won't think of the time that way. Rather I'll measure the time in love, I'll measure it in the time I spent doing the things I love and I'll measure it in the time I spend with the people I love. Those two things above all else will hold space within me and will imprint themselves on my soul, sometime between this heartbeat and the next.
I also realized that I've been waiting, for some reason I've been waiting. I'm not waiting because I have to, I'm waiting because I choose to. The challenge that I'm encountering is that I've just realized how little of that waiting actually needs to occur.
I've been waiting until I have a better job.
I've been waiting until I'm healthy.
I've been waiting for people, and places, and times.
So much of this waiting has been nothing more that fear and procrastination, fear that I might fail, fear of what other people might think, fear of rejection, fear, fear, fear.
Well as of today I'm done with fear and I'm done with waiting.
While I understand that sometimes you can't have it all right now I also understand that there's a difference between a reason to wait and an excuse and as of today I'm done with the excuses.
After all, life is only a single heartbeat long and I don't want to lay there afterward and find that I'm still waiting and I'm out of time.
Till next we meet. . .
Back on Thursday I had a couple of things happen in my life that made a fairly significant impact on me.
The first is that my mother found out that the clock that's been on pause for the last two years has started ticking again. Apparently her large tumour is growing again and has started shifting around in her abdomen putting pressure on some of her internal organs and causing her a fair bit of pain. Of course with it putting pressure on her internal organs we can expect that she's going to start having some other problems related to that, we don't know exactly what yet and I have to say that I'm not really looking forward to finding out.
Obviously this was a hard thing for me to hear and while it's not unexpected I'm still not sure it's something you can ever fully prepare yourself for. We're still hopeful of course and she's still planning on being at my brother's wedding this summer at the end of July, we do however have to prepare for the event that she doesn't make it. It's going to be a hard couple of months coming up but the things I've gone through over the last couple of months have left we with some tools that will help me through it.
The other thing that occurred was my mother began going through a big bag of photos that my Grandmother had left behind when she passed. My mother was sorting them into groups so that she can pass them along to the appropriate people in the family.
As we were looking through the pictures we found pictures that ranged from 64 years ago when my father was a baby up until about two years ago when my Grandma passed away. There's a tremendous amount of history there and so many of the photos showed my mother when she was young, and healthy, and vibrant. These photos provided some rather memorable documentation of my mother's time in this country as she hadn't been here too long before she met my father.
As we went through the photos she told me who the people were when I couldn't figure it out for myself and told me stories around most of them. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes there were tears in her eyes and I think every emotion in between.
This made me realize that to her those photos weren't taken years ago in some distant history, rather they were taken a heartbeat ago. To her it was yesterday, she remembers quite clearly those people, and times and places, and sometime between this heartbeat and the previous one all those years have passed.
When I realized this I also realized that it's happening to me, that my heart is beating and that one day I'm going to wake up and realize that I'm on my deathbed, that things are soon to end and I'm going to wonder what happened to the intervening years.
Listening to her talk about the pictures also reminded me that those intervening years won't be measured as such. While I'll tell people how many years it's been I myself won't think of the time that way. Rather I'll measure the time in love, I'll measure it in the time I spent doing the things I love and I'll measure it in the time I spend with the people I love. Those two things above all else will hold space within me and will imprint themselves on my soul, sometime between this heartbeat and the next.
I also realized that I've been waiting, for some reason I've been waiting. I'm not waiting because I have to, I'm waiting because I choose to. The challenge that I'm encountering is that I've just realized how little of that waiting actually needs to occur.
I've been waiting until I have a better job.
I've been waiting until I'm healthy.
I've been waiting for people, and places, and times.
So much of this waiting has been nothing more that fear and procrastination, fear that I might fail, fear of what other people might think, fear of rejection, fear, fear, fear.
Well as of today I'm done with fear and I'm done with waiting.
While I understand that sometimes you can't have it all right now I also understand that there's a difference between a reason to wait and an excuse and as of today I'm done with the excuses.
After all, life is only a single heartbeat long and I don't want to lay there afterward and find that I'm still waiting and I'm out of time.
Till next we meet. . .
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Musically Inclined
For some reason I'm really enjoying music this week, while it's always an important part of my life it seems to have really moved up in the rankings lately.
Those of you who know me know that I have very eclectic tastes in regards to music so I'm going to present her a pair of videos that I think are spectacular and worth everyone's time if you haven't seen them.
The first is a Violinist who's got Owner of a Lonely Heart and Smooth Criminal sounding like I've never heard them.
Amazing Fiddle Player - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
Following that act is a band that I'm really enjoying called Corporeal, you can find them on myspace or floating around the net. Personally I think that three men on one guitar is a pretty astounding feat, particularly when it sounds like this.
Corporeal: All We Got - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
I hope you've enjoyed that.
Till next we meet. . .
Those of you who know me know that I have very eclectic tastes in regards to music so I'm going to present her a pair of videos that I think are spectacular and worth everyone's time if you haven't seen them.
The first is a Violinist who's got Owner of a Lonely Heart and Smooth Criminal sounding like I've never heard them.
Amazing Fiddle Player - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
Following that act is a band that I'm really enjoying called Corporeal, you can find them on myspace or floating around the net. Personally I think that three men on one guitar is a pretty astounding feat, particularly when it sounds like this.
Corporeal: All We Got - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
I hope you've enjoyed that.
Till next we meet. . .
Monday, March 19, 2007
International Hangover Recovery Day
It's amazing that International Hangover Recovery Day falls on the day after International Hangover Day. What's more fascinating is that International Hangover Day falls on the day after St. Patrick's Day. Huh. . .
Okay, I made that all up but it would make sense wouldn't it?
So this weekend I worked which I'm sure comes as a surprise to no-one given that the bar I bounce at is an Irish pub and Saturday was the infamous binge that is St. Patrick's Day. I started at 11am on Saturday and spent the first hour or so just standing around as we had our breakfast and lunch service going. Then around 12 it got busy and all of a sudded I was working busing tables, carrying food and whatever other task I could take away from the waitresses to help keep things moving.
Following that I ended up doing my more usual job of crowd control, checking ID's and general customer relations. Many people don't realize how important it is that the doormen be friendly when you come to a bar but I think it's absolutely crucial. After all we're the first people you see and the last people you see every time you go out and we very much set the tone for your evening by how we treat you. If we're nice to you then you have a good night, if we're not you have a bad night, and I hate to see that happen to anyone.
The day was a lot of fun as everyone was in a great mood so I really enjoyed myself talking to people and being around that many people having a great time. That sort of energy is priceless and definitely worth exposing yourself to any time you get the chance to, I'm fortunate in that I get paid to do it every weekend.
Then I ended up getting off work at 9pm which is pretty early, so I went to the back, found a t-shirt given to us at some point by a liquor rep and started partying.
If you go here (Phat Stu's Druid Photo Album) you can see some pictures from the party, not all of these are of me obviously but these were the folks that I was hanging out with and I must say that they were a blast! It was great and I'm really glad I got to know them, now I have new friends!
Till next we meet. . .
Okay, I made that all up but it would make sense wouldn't it?
So this weekend I worked which I'm sure comes as a surprise to no-one given that the bar I bounce at is an Irish pub and Saturday was the infamous binge that is St. Patrick's Day. I started at 11am on Saturday and spent the first hour or so just standing around as we had our breakfast and lunch service going. Then around 12 it got busy and all of a sudded I was working busing tables, carrying food and whatever other task I could take away from the waitresses to help keep things moving.
Following that I ended up doing my more usual job of crowd control, checking ID's and general customer relations. Many people don't realize how important it is that the doormen be friendly when you come to a bar but I think it's absolutely crucial. After all we're the first people you see and the last people you see every time you go out and we very much set the tone for your evening by how we treat you. If we're nice to you then you have a good night, if we're not you have a bad night, and I hate to see that happen to anyone.
The day was a lot of fun as everyone was in a great mood so I really enjoyed myself talking to people and being around that many people having a great time. That sort of energy is priceless and definitely worth exposing yourself to any time you get the chance to, I'm fortunate in that I get paid to do it every weekend.
Then I ended up getting off work at 9pm which is pretty early, so I went to the back, found a t-shirt given to us at some point by a liquor rep and started partying.
If you go here (Phat Stu's Druid Photo Album) you can see some pictures from the party, not all of these are of me obviously but these were the folks that I was hanging out with and I must say that they were a blast! It was great and I'm really glad I got to know them, now I have new friends!
Till next we meet. . .
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Species of the Bar
I figure since not a lot exciting is happening I'm going to entertain you with some descriptions of critters you can commonly find in a bar. I'm going to start with the one that is clearly my least favourite.
Bar Vultures
These creatures earn their name through their behaviour at the bar. Typically the show up at the end of the night, usually within 10 minutes of us locking the door and thus right around last call. They come in and grab themselves a single beer from the bartender, typically it's the cheapest draft we have because they have no intention of drinking any significant amount of it.
These creatures then spend the next few minutes circling the bar attempting to pick out the girls most likely to be incapable of making rational decisions. Typically they're looking for the drunkest girl there, they may also be looking for someone who has suddenly had a very bad night (friends left them, boyfriend broke up with them, etc) and thus are emotionally vulnerable. . . and drunk.
These despicable creatures then spend the remainder of the time allotted to them in the bar attempting to take that girl home with them. They're friendly, they smile, they listen, and at the end of the night they aim to take you home.
Now I understand that a large percentage of the people at the bar, male and female, are there in an attempt to avoid sleeping alone that night and I have no problem with this. The problem I have with the bar vultures is that they don't go after girls who can make rational decisions, they go after the ones who are too drunk to walk on their own and need to be carried to a vehicle. That my friends isn't hooking up at the bar, it's rape.
These bar vultures do however provide me with two sources of amusement and for that I'm forced to thank them. I do this by letting them walk away without the use of an ambulance most nights.
The first source of amusement is when they come to the door and I deny them entrance. They're stunned, don't I see them there every weekend? Of course I do, I'm also aware that they spend next to no money while they're here and that they do things that can give our bar a bad name and no, simply because you learned my name I don't become your friend.
The second source of amusement is when they're trying to carry a drunk girl out of the bar and I stop them. I'll then go through the girl's pockets/purse/whatever to find her ID and ask a few telling questions:
What's her name?
What's her middle name?
What's her birthday?
What's her address?
Now I understand if you don't get them all correct but if you don't answer any of them you can't really be surprised that I won't let you take them home. I mean really, if you can't even be bothered to learn her name don't expect sympathy from me when I take her away from you and propel you out the door with a vengeance.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that.
Till next we meet. . .
Bar Vultures
These creatures earn their name through their behaviour at the bar. Typically the show up at the end of the night, usually within 10 minutes of us locking the door and thus right around last call. They come in and grab themselves a single beer from the bartender, typically it's the cheapest draft we have because they have no intention of drinking any significant amount of it.
These creatures then spend the next few minutes circling the bar attempting to pick out the girls most likely to be incapable of making rational decisions. Typically they're looking for the drunkest girl there, they may also be looking for someone who has suddenly had a very bad night (friends left them, boyfriend broke up with them, etc) and thus are emotionally vulnerable. . . and drunk.
These despicable creatures then spend the remainder of the time allotted to them in the bar attempting to take that girl home with them. They're friendly, they smile, they listen, and at the end of the night they aim to take you home.
Now I understand that a large percentage of the people at the bar, male and female, are there in an attempt to avoid sleeping alone that night and I have no problem with this. The problem I have with the bar vultures is that they don't go after girls who can make rational decisions, they go after the ones who are too drunk to walk on their own and need to be carried to a vehicle. That my friends isn't hooking up at the bar, it's rape.
These bar vultures do however provide me with two sources of amusement and for that I'm forced to thank them. I do this by letting them walk away without the use of an ambulance most nights.
The first source of amusement is when they come to the door and I deny them entrance. They're stunned, don't I see them there every weekend? Of course I do, I'm also aware that they spend next to no money while they're here and that they do things that can give our bar a bad name and no, simply because you learned my name I don't become your friend.
The second source of amusement is when they're trying to carry a drunk girl out of the bar and I stop them. I'll then go through the girl's pockets/purse/whatever to find her ID and ask a few telling questions:
What's her name?
What's her middle name?
What's her birthday?
What's her address?
Now I understand if you don't get them all correct but if you don't answer any of them you can't really be surprised that I won't let you take them home. I mean really, if you can't even be bothered to learn her name don't expect sympathy from me when I take her away from you and propel you out the door with a vengeance.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that.
Till next we meet. . .
Monday, March 12, 2007
In Sickness and in Health
Well I'm sick. I have a cold more specifically, headaches, stuffed up nose, sore throat, cough, the whole kit and kaboodle. . . what the hell is a kaboodle anyway?
Last week wasn't very exciting, worked some OT at work and that was about it.
This past weekend I bounced, that was as entertaining as ever, which is to say that mostly it was pretty dull. I did manage to blow myself out of a shoe in the process of throwing a guy out however, that was fun. We went out the door and my shoe was sitting quite nicely right inside it. I would have face planted into the concrete too except that a fellow who was trying to get in the side door managed to grab me and keep me upright. While I generally discourage people from attempting to help us do our jobs his timing was fantastic and his reflexes cat-like. Obviously we let him and his friends into the bar.
Went to salsa lessons last night, that was as fun as always.
That's about it.
Till next we meet. . .
Last week wasn't very exciting, worked some OT at work and that was about it.
This past weekend I bounced, that was as entertaining as ever, which is to say that mostly it was pretty dull. I did manage to blow myself out of a shoe in the process of throwing a guy out however, that was fun. We went out the door and my shoe was sitting quite nicely right inside it. I would have face planted into the concrete too except that a fellow who was trying to get in the side door managed to grab me and keep me upright. While I generally discourage people from attempting to help us do our jobs his timing was fantastic and his reflexes cat-like. Obviously we let him and his friends into the bar.
Went to salsa lessons last night, that was as fun as always.
That's about it.
Till next we meet. . .
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Tom's Rules
So there's a guy I know. . . we'll call him Tom. He's smart, he's a chiro. . .he's also a powerlifter, more than that though he's insightful. I was reminded of Tom's Rules the other day and I thought I should include them here as they're worth reading. So in his own words here are Tom's Rules:
1. Life's not fair.
2. You're not that fucking special
3. Everyone's full of shit
4. Everyone wants to go to heaven, no one wants to die
5. Eventually the stupid comes out
6. Never eat anything bigger than your head
Adjunctive rule: If you're dating a chick that's hot, but crazy, break up with her after six weeks.
I never numbered this one, it's kind of like an ammendmant or something
Enjoy.
Till next we meet. . .
1. Life's not fair.
2. You're not that fucking special
3. Everyone's full of shit
4. Everyone wants to go to heaven, no one wants to die
5. Eventually the stupid comes out
6. Never eat anything bigger than your head
Adjunctive rule: If you're dating a chick that's hot, but crazy, break up with her after six weeks.
I never numbered this one, it's kind of like an ammendmant or something
Enjoy.
Till next we meet. . .
Keep on Truckin'
Well, I haven't really anything interesting to report from the last couple of days since I didn't really do anything interesting on the weekend. I did go shopping and bought some jeans a couple of belts and a new shirt but that's about it.
I also managed to swing some Overtime at work which is nice as it's going to pay for more toys for RJ (my motorcycle) for the summer but of course cuts into doing anything else with my time.
This morning I was at the airport at 4:00am to pick up J who was flying back into Edmonton from Vegas where she spent a couple of days with her father. It's nice to get a chance to talk to her again, she was my best friend for two years and I've really missed her in the last 8 months. It's a little strange at times but my life is a richer place for having her in it so I'm certainly not going to complain about things being a little strange. That all having been said I'm ready for bed, unfortunately I've got another 3.5 hour of work to go as I'm on till 9:30 tonight.
Voice lessons are absent this week because my instructor is out of town.
Salsa on Sunday was fun as always.
A came to salsa last Thursday, I invited her because she was having a rough day and it's hard to be anything but happy in that wonderful environment. Great, upbeat music, great energy, fun people, who could be miserable there?
Although apparently that invite is stifling her and she can't spend that sort of time with me blah blah blah. . .
I've decided in recent days that in relation to A. I'm going to take Henry Rollins' advice and "Stop showing up for the beating!" Basically she's decided that she's going to be miserable and uses me as a scapegoat to explain why she's miserable rather than taking responsibility for her own life. She seems to think she's miserable because we spend too much time together, too much time talking, I care too much, I'm distant, or whatever other problem she's settled on at the moment so I've decided that if she's going to choose to be miserable I'm going to remove myself as a scapegoat. She's welcome to her misery but I'm not going to continue to be there to blame it on. . . not that it'll stop her but at least I won't have to listen to how I've ruined her life this week.
I'll still be there if she needs help, support, friendship, a shoulder to cry on, etc but I'm done with being the scapegoat for her misery.
And that's about all that's happening in my life right now. So I'll bid you a temporary farewell.
Till next we meet. . .
I also managed to swing some Overtime at work which is nice as it's going to pay for more toys for RJ (my motorcycle) for the summer but of course cuts into doing anything else with my time.
This morning I was at the airport at 4:00am to pick up J who was flying back into Edmonton from Vegas where she spent a couple of days with her father. It's nice to get a chance to talk to her again, she was my best friend for two years and I've really missed her in the last 8 months. It's a little strange at times but my life is a richer place for having her in it so I'm certainly not going to complain about things being a little strange. That all having been said I'm ready for bed, unfortunately I've got another 3.5 hour of work to go as I'm on till 9:30 tonight.
Voice lessons are absent this week because my instructor is out of town.
Salsa on Sunday was fun as always.
A came to salsa last Thursday, I invited her because she was having a rough day and it's hard to be anything but happy in that wonderful environment. Great, upbeat music, great energy, fun people, who could be miserable there?
Although apparently that invite is stifling her and she can't spend that sort of time with me blah blah blah. . .
I've decided in recent days that in relation to A. I'm going to take Henry Rollins' advice and "Stop showing up for the beating!" Basically she's decided that she's going to be miserable and uses me as a scapegoat to explain why she's miserable rather than taking responsibility for her own life. She seems to think she's miserable because we spend too much time together, too much time talking, I care too much, I'm distant, or whatever other problem she's settled on at the moment so I've decided that if she's going to choose to be miserable I'm going to remove myself as a scapegoat. She's welcome to her misery but I'm not going to continue to be there to blame it on. . . not that it'll stop her but at least I won't have to listen to how I've ruined her life this week.
I'll still be there if she needs help, support, friendship, a shoulder to cry on, etc but I'm done with being the scapegoat for her misery.
And that's about all that's happening in my life right now. So I'll bid you a temporary farewell.
Till next we meet. . .
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